Saturday, July 5, 2014

A Smelly Situation: Your Decisions Effect Everyone




A trip to visit the in-laws: joy of joys. The missus' mom planned a week long adventure up at serene wilderness resort, nothing else around for fifty miles. To add to your predicament, her parents insisted that they personally pickup the happy wife and you, the shuddering husband from the air port. No rental car, no escape. Help!


The cabbie pulls up to the curb, unloads the suitcases, and you walk to the enter gate, boarding passes in hand. All carry-ons go through a tedious inspection from an uncaring TSA worker, who just rifles through all of your belongings. then all board the plane. You make your way to your seat. All of these adventure plans came as a gift from dear mother in law dying to see your beautiful wife. Sadly the well intentioned parents booked last minute. The only seats remaining, one in first class, and one in the back of coach. The chivalrous gentleman you are of course took the economy class.

You wonder who is the lucky duck who has the pleasure of sitting next to the one and only. The young couple with a baby screaming? The fifty year old still living in his prime years of the 1970's? The grandma with the knitting needles? At least that one would be easy. "Oh, no! Please not him!" A winner in tattered old tweed blazer, and food splattered blue and white oxford shirt enters the scene. A real bubble gut. To top it off, cat hair covers his Levi's. Slowly, but surly, he passes back one row at a time. With his seat coming dangerously close to yours, you look up only to see the broken reading lamp and the no smoking sign. Finally he throws his carry-on over the shared luggage rack and sits down right next to you.

Turbines fire, and destination heck on earth commences. An extroverted card is he, within fifteen minutes you know all the tedious details of his life story. Oh, the places he's lived! His glorious career as a traveling circus carny who married to the bearded lady. Apparently she was a catch! Most importantly, he is a PC. "No one got time for Mac!" "You would never guess that looking at me now," he claims. You think differently.

"Oh gawsh, help," as he continues in his rumblings you can't help but notice his teeth. They lay perfectly aligned, he had been very blessed in that sense. If only he cared for his endowment with good dentition. Gnarly craters of black decay cover his not so pearly whites. Sea foam white plaque covers his enflamed gum line. A greenish fog floats gracefully from his oral cavity into your nostrils. All of a sudden, lunch starts to make its way back up your esophagus. Managing just a little coming up to the top, you manage to swallow it back down.

Luckily on top of the carry on bag, the trusty Filson satchel accompanied you on this now perilous trek. To only find the sleeping pills, they only last four hours; might need to take two. Efforts of frantic searching and prayer end in dismay. The relief lies in the checked bag conveniently stored in the baggage compartment under the plane. "Ugh!"

The iPad battery dies after twenty minutes of Angry Birds and boggle. Sky Mall only holds the your interest for about 5 minutes. The man across the row bestows a gift of sympathy to you seeing your predicament. He presents you with latest edition of TIME. "Thank you!"

You flip to find the main article that all your colleagues raved about, only to realize that the magazine reads differently than expected. This magazine is the Spanish edition. "Please let this plane land!" Your thoughts are answered with five minutes of turbulence. The "bubble gut," barley manages to get the contents of his stomach into the barf bag. The air bags drop down from the overhead compartment. Instead of breaths of panic, fresh air fills your lungs after your ordeal of three hours of almost unbearable body odor and rancid breath reeking from your counterpart.

The plane starts it's decent, "hallelujah!" Tires hit the runway and people hurriedly take their carry-ons. Suitcase and Filson in hand, you hop onto the exit runway. "Free at last!" The missus meets you by the exit gate. There stand dear mother and father in-law. You greet them in an unusually friendly attitude and hop in the car. You thank them for their gift of a week long excursion out in the woods and chat the whole way there. The missus whispers "you are actually excited to go? What brought the change of heart?" "The guy next to me on the plane. He made me realize what a blessing all of you are. Thank you all for having good hygiene."

What's the difference between book smarts and street smarts? Read, enjoy, and share with friends. Book Smarts v. Street Smarts: Knowing Versus Developing a Personal Relationship With Jesus Christ



No comments:

Post a Comment